hallo mein Name ist Diego, ich bin 24 und ich spreche Spanisch, Englisch und Deutsch.

Ich komme aus El Salvador und lebe seit 2017 in Münster.

Ich durchlebe eine schwere kreative Krise und suche nach Modellen, mit denen ich arbeiten kann. Ich möchte mit Menschen mit künstlerischen Persönlichkeiten zusammenarbeiten und Kunst machen.

Ich habe letztes Jahr als Therapieform mit der Fotografie begonnen und seitdem nie aufgehört. Derzeit mache ich keine bezahlten Jobs und bin nur an der Zusammenarbeit mit kreativen Models interessiert.

Wenn du mit mir zusammenarbeiten möchtest, schicke mir eine Nachricht und lass uns über Ideen reden!

Ich habe einen kleinen Text auf Englisch geschrieben, um über meine Geschichte zu sprechen.

instagram Jdelavirgen


MY STORY

One year ago I bought my first camera.
Those who know me from my school years, know me as a daydreamer. I had a hard time paying attention but I could laser focus when it came to making a drawing or writing texts. Like my mom said: a passing fly could get me distracted and wander into another plane of thought. I never understood why it was so hard for me to focus on things or why I was unable to connect with many people. I always felt like an outsider everywhere I went, I felt I did not belong anywhere and I thought to myself "Well, maybe I'm just a weirdo." I felt I was unable to care about things other people simply care about. I was always inside my head and I was alone in there. There was no place for anybody else. I constantly looked for ways to get numb. I constantly looked for anything that could get me out of my reality. I just did not want to be there.

Unable to explain what I was escaping from, I came to find problems. Problems I never imagine I could have. I had everything in life and that was not enough for me. I was looking for answers but I only found more questions. I felt like I was slowly losing my soul. I realized that if I felt I was losing my soul, it was because I still had a soul and it was worth fighting for it. I left everything behind and I moved to Germany because I felt my roots were there and I was going to somehow find meaning there. I felt like all my ancestors were telling me it was my destiny to go come back to this land. I could literally feel the spirits all around me. I had to find the origin.
When I came here I had a massive artistic block. I was unable to draw faces anymore, I had been drawing my whole life and I could not draw faces anymore. I destroyed every single drawing I did in those days. I needed a new way to express myself. That's when suddenly the idea of pursuing photography as a form of expression invaded my mind. In my 21 years of existence I never had the interest of picking up a camera and I never had the chance of actually toying with a camera. I had no idea how a camera worked. The thought was already there and I needed to do something about it. The thought was itching and I needed to scratch that part of my brain. I knew cameras were really expensive so I got a 9 to 5 job while studying German, to be able to buy my first camera. After some months I got the camera and then I got my first lens. I had the camera but I had no idea how to use it. So I changed my schedule to 15h to 23h so that I could watch YouTube tutorials when everyone was gone at work.

I thought I was bad at studying but I read countless tutorials, I watched hours of videos and I researched for hours. I was putting all my focus and my resources into something I was not sure I was going to like in the first place but something inside of me said that I was in the right direction. I needed to move on and actually start practicing how to take photographs, so I started to chase my girlfriend around with the camera. I learned how to compose my first photographs with her. At some point everything came super natural and using the camera was something very intuitive for me. I got totally hooked. Suddenly I could project my vision, I could project my thoughts. I learned to see things in a different way, light had turned into a substance. I started appreciating any available ray of light that was projected from the gray clouds of winter. I learned photography by shooting in the dark. I used the pale light of winter to create my first photographs.

My goal was to learn how to take photographs and develop my own style and that's what I did. I reached to friends to ask them if they could pose for me but most declined. I reached to people I did not know on Instagram to work with them but most of them left me on seen. I reached to different brands to make free test shoots for experience but most said no. When one brand said yes, then I met new people. I met new models but I lost my girlfriend because of reasons. I expressed my ideas to different brands, models, friends, family, other photographers but they thought I was just crazy. I started to believe I was going nuts and it started to take a toll on my mental health. The worst part of winter came and suddenly I had fallen into a sunken place. I started to isolate myself again, same old bad habits. Constantly looking for something that would just make it all go away. I told the doctor I constantly felt under a dark cloud. I had been numb for such a long time that I was unable to feel anymore. I had been alone for such a long time that I started to feel like If I could not recognize anyone anymore. I even forgot who I was. I forgot about my whole past. I spent days just watching the sunrise and watching the sun go down. Waiting for a text message I never got. When people reached out, I did not want to see them and I did not wanted them to see me. But I used this loneliness to find light in the shadows.

The storm was over and I did not came out of it being the same. There was darkness and light inside of me. I learned how to use both sides of me in my advantage. I took off my mask and I showed my heart to other people, most of the people just ran away. They said that I was stealing their light by showing them my darkness. But some people decided to look inside and see what was behind the shadows.

They saw the light. In my darkest hour I had found meaning. I understood that I needed to go through all of that in order for me to learn how to see. To me the art of photography is basically capturing light and materializing it into an image. I learned how to capture the light in the shadows.

I felt human again, photography turned into a way of therapy. Other people somehow connected with my project and said they wanted to be part of it. I met incredible people, I traveled to places I did not know before, I had experiences I never lived before and I felt things I never felt before. Call me crazy but that feeling of connection feels better than ANY material object. I have been around and I have been through some dark times. I found that helping others who are going through the same or worst really gives my life a meaning. Through art or by any other mean I wish to help. Nobody is really alone in this world.
With all this said I can tell you the following:

- If you want something you have to be willing to put in the hours and be willing to make big sacrifices.
- Happiness is borrowed. When you have it, share it.
- Wear your ugly and see who stays. Those are the people who are really worth it.
- Use pain and anger as fuel. Learn how to transform your shadows into light.
- Be thankful.
- You might be going through your darkest days but they might be your biggest blessing. Only you can decide the meaning of your suffering.

Artists, We don't follow any rules. We play our own game.
Now I have a new goal, you will hear about it.