The picture of myself in my head, doesn't match with the picture in my mind, doesn't match with my feelings, and nothing matches in the mirror as well.
I would like to say sorry to myself, I would love to forgive myself, I would love to accept anything as it is.
I would love to find some peace with the person, the gender and the body, who's accompany myself.
I would love to stop these thoughts in my head.
The thoughts, which moaning loudly every day about the advantages and disadvantages of being trans. About the abilities and limits.
I would love to live a life, without that circling around my transness.
I would love to look in the mirror, and don't requesting the person and wrapper.
At least once a day, I'm saying towards the picture in the mirror:
I hate you. You're strange! Look on you!
And I also try to say: You're okay!, afterwards.
Someday I imagine to drink or take other drugs to forget.
But I'm in fear, that I will get addicted. - So, I don't drink and I don't smoke weed.
I try to shoulder my thoughts soberly, and try to accept anything without drugs.
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LG Heike